Breaking up is hard to do and so is dealing with divorce. Whether you are defacto or divorcing, the practical act of dividing up assets and clearing out a shared home can become an emotional minefield and a messy business. It’s a necessary, if difficult part of separation, but there are some simple tips to follow to make the unbearable task of breaking up into a stepping stone to starting fresh.
Agree On A Breakup Plan
This part will suck, but it will make things easier in the long run. Both work on an agreement during the moving out period to ensure there are no nasty surprises on either side. Some terms could be:-
- To not raise any other issues when talking about the division of items. Stick to the matter at hand only.
- Agree not to remove anything from the home without notifying the other person.
- Agree to maintain payment arrangements for rent or mortgage during the breakup process and give due notice
- Book times to attend the property, so the other party is aware
- Play fair with each other and keep the breakup amicable where possible
- To not speak badly of the other partner to mutual friends
Do You Really Need It Or Can You Let It Go?
Relationship breakups are emotional and stressful times and it can be easy to get caught up in the ‘things’. For example, do you REALLY need to fight your partner for your Gilmore Girls DVD collection, even though you were the one who paid for it at the local garage sale? Maybe you can do with getting new furniture for your apartment anyway and bring a whole new look to your future. Material possessions can easily become emotional attachments, so consciously look to compromise and let things go. After all, do you really want a painting hanging in your home that reminds you of a past relationship? Some items, such as jointly owned cars, can become a tussle but maybe selling the vehicle and splitting the profit is an option. After all, it’s heartbreaking enough without fighting over things, so take a step back, or maybe get a friend to work through what you really need and what you don’t if you feel to raw or emotionally attached.
Clean Up And Clear Out
It’s amazing how much stuff a couple can accumulate together over the years. Once sentimental, personal and valuable items have been divided up, there is usually a lot of general household items leftover which are of no use to either person. There are several things you can do with them. You can sell items on Gumtree or eBay and split the profits, you can hold a garage sale, or you can organise a local rubbish collection. Look for a rubbish removal service who not only have great rates, but that recycle and sell items for charity where they can. That way, some good can come out of a bad situation.
Once you’ve moved all of your items out, work together to clean the home, or hire a cleaner so you leave your apartment clean enough to ensure you get your bond back, or ready for sale. Ensure that you share the load and don’t leave all the responsibility to one person, even if you feel they don’t deserve it. It really is better for the soul to see it through and move on smoothly.
Check Your Utility Bills
Remember to cancel, change names and update address details of all of your utilities and mobile phone bills. Quite often accounts are shared, so have a conversation and see who needs what and if you can’t agree, just cancel the contracts and move on.
The First Day Of A New You!
That’s it! All the hard work is done. Breaking up with a partner is exhausting, so make sure you take time for yourself. It’s ok to grieve for a past relationship and it can take time, however, if you do something good for yourself every day, even if it’s small, you’ll begin to feel like you again and ready to take the next step in your life. If you give yourself something positive every day, positive psychology will snowball around you! Go to a yoga class, do a guided meditation on your phone, buy yourself a cream cake without the guilt, or go for a morning swim. You got through the worst of it, now it’s all uphill from here!